Sniffer Bees – Coming to a Club Near You

21/07/2008

Posted by Disco Dirt

It’s the age old problem – how to stop people getting illegal contraband into your club. Bouncers? All well and good, but they can be expensive, take up too much space, and are prone to grumpiness. Sniffer dogs? Too inclined to attempt to fornicate with your leg or chew your hand off. So what’s the solution? Scientists have been working on an intriguing new concept - sniffer bees.

Think Disco Dirt is suffering the after effects of consuming too much of aforementioned contraband? We jest you not. Like most good ideas, whether it’s roads that actually go in a straight line, three course meals, or flushing toilets, the brainwave to use bees for more than just making honey was one that occurred to our nasally disadvantaged chums the Romans; they used to lob hives into enemy lines when in the throes of battle.  

So what’s the role of our humble bumbling friend in clubland? Scientists have been training bees to detect bombs at airports by letting them sniff Semtex before they get their dinner, so after a while, as soon as they pick up the smell, they think they are about to get fed, and they stick their tongues out. Now if you can give a bee the taste for explosives, it must surely be ten times easier to give it the taste for narcotics (although we should maybe draw the line as getting them to sniff for amyl nitrate in case their furry little heads actually explode). Disco Dirt is deeply taken with this idea. Imagine – you arrive at your favourite club, and instead of being man-handled by a 20 stone bruiser, a small furry bee sticks its tongue out at you. Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is progress.